“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:18-25).
TWO CAN BE ONE FLESH – PART 1
BIBLICAL DESCRIPTION OF MARRIAGE
God is its author of marriage, and “One flesh” is God’s way of speaking of marriage.
“One flesh” is God’s description of the relationship between a man and a woman who are married. It is the physical consummation of a husband and wife. The two thus joined become “one flesh” by abolishing the “twoness” and developing “oneness.”
A man and a woman give themselves entirely to each other – withholding nothing.
Marriage is no marriage at all if it is conditional.
The enduring rule of marriage is, “Love one another with all your mind, heart, and body.”
“One Flesh” Is A Physical Miracle.
It’s important to remember that God’s human creation started with one single man. There were no women until God took a rib from the man, made woman, and brought her to the man.
These facts should cause every woman to live a humble submissive life with the husband God gave you to.
“One Flesh” Is A Social Miracle.
Two take one name. In the eyes of society, the two become a single, solid, social unit.
“One Flesh” Is A Biological Miracle.
Literally two-family trees are grafted together into one life as the two produce ‘one flesh’ in a child.
“One Flesh” Is A Spiritual Miracle.
A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and ‘died’ for her, or as a man ‘loveth’ his own body.
A wife is to be in subjection to her husband and respect him as ‘head,’ even as the church looks to Christ as ‘head’ (Ephesians 5:22-33).
“One flesh” is a comprehensive term involving not only the body, but also the soul. It is a commitment of the entire person.
TWO CAN BE ONE FLESH – Part 2
“One Flesh” Is An Intellectual Commitment.
When the officiant in a wedding ceremony asks, “Do you take…,” there is wrapped up in that one statement a complex grass-roots commitment of an intellectual process.
Implied in it is the assumption the person being asked understands what is happening. It assumes that person understands what marriage is all about.
When a person says, “I do,” he makes a solemn promise before God to his mate to cause this union to become everything God intended it to be.
The marriage vow, therefore, involves a commitment of taking.
This involves a taking with whatever strengths and weaknesses one’s companion has and whatever circumstances that may follow.
This is a rational and a voluntary choice; it is a matter of the will as well as the emotions.
Since marriage is an intellectual commitment, there is a crying need for study and teaching on this subject.
God places great emphasis upon educating Christians concerning marriage.
“But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: that the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children” (Titus 2:1-4).
Paul’s statement tells us that this subject is not only biblical, but also in keeping with sound doctrine. Possibly in no area is the word of God more blasphemed than the vital role of marriage and the home.
Perhaps in no other area of human behaviour is man more-naive.
He uses great care in purchasing cars, clothes, and houses, often taking a long time to make up his mind on these things.
At the same time others marry in the briefest period.
Recently the story was related of a couple who married after only three dates together: a lifetime commitment made in a flash.
Fathers and mothers desperately need to fill their children’s minds with all the intellectual aspects of this vital union.
Think about it, did your parents teach you what God had to say about being “one flesh”?
The church needs to become less “Puritanical” and more aggressively appreciative of this beautiful gift and opportunity God has given man.
There needs to be more teaching and discussion of passages such as 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul speaks of the intimacies of marriage and the rights of the married.
We need to announce boldly yet discreetly, “Let marriage be had in honour among all, and let the bed be undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4).
Every youngster not only has the right but also deserves to know everything God has said on marriage.
If he does not have a Biblical understanding of “one flesh” he will eventually accept a world view.
Without knowing God’s mind on the matter it will be impossible for him to make a scriptural, spiritual, intellectual commitment to his mate.
“One Flesh” Is A Physical Commitment.
In the commitment of marriage man realizes completeness.
Have you ever considered Adam’s reaction to his personal situation in Eden? All the animals were made with male and female counterparts but there was no such complement to Adam.
Remember, he was single, happy, and content with living alone with His Creator God and the animals.
But God knew and said, “It is not good that man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18).
Singularly man is like one half of a pair of scissors. Again, he is the violin without the bow.
Woman was made to be a “help meet,” or a help-suited for man (Genesis 2:18). All humble committed Christian women will happily accept that role.
A husband and wife find completeness in each other as they become “one flesh.”
Man needs someone to understand him, to whom he can pour out his soul and feel that he has understanding and empathy. Who can do this better than the one who has truly become “one flesh” with him?
In the commitment of marriage man enjoys that companionship.
In the physical setting of a family, we become aware of God’s spiritual chain of command.” God’s order of things is God-Christ-Man-Woman (1 Corinthians 11:3).
Wives are to submit themselves to their own husbands (Ephesians 5:22; 1 Peter 3:1-7).
Subjection is not subordination of an inferior. It is the gracious recognition of a divinely ordered world.
When this relationship is in order, man and woman have genuine companionship with each other, and Christ is an integral part of and an intimate guest in the home.
In the union of marriage, love takes on an entirely different dimension. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it… So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church” (Ephesians 5:25, 28-29).
Love is the prime motivator that justifies the existence of a home. Without love in the home, the parties are selfish in their dealings with each other.
Without love, the “special language of marriage” degenerates into jargon, becomes animalistic, and the parties begin to use each other as mere tools for self-gratification.
In addition to God’s teaching against pre-marital and extra-marital sexual behaviour, another factor that makes it so ugly is that in the absence of love and commitment it is nothing more than exploitation.
But when there is love in a home, each seeks the other’s highest good. The husband and the wife make it their aim in life to make their mate profoundly happy, and their own happiness is a by-product of their success.
In the commitment of “one flesh,” man finds the only legitimate opportunities, the least of which not being the sexual drive. One tragedy of our times is that one of the most beautiful gifts God has given to man has been exploited to such an extent it is distorted.
Equally tragic is the fact that in the church we have felt that the only time we can speak out on this subject is against its abuse.
The Word of God does indeed speak out against the abuse of the marriage act both pre-marital and extra-marital: “fornicators and adulterers God will judge (Hebrews 13:4).
Fornicators are listed in the works of the flesh and Paul unequivocally states, they who practice such things “shall not inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:19-21).
The Bible also says much about the rightness and beauty of the marriage bed: “Let marriage be had in honour among all, and let the bed be beautiful” (Hebrews 13:4).
“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).
The language of a modern speech translation is much clearer: “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, likewise the wife to her husband. Do not cheat each other of normal sexual intercourse” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).
Paul does not mince words. He calls the person who refuses this vital aspect of marriage a fraud and a cheat.
When the promise was made to Abraham that Sarah would conceive and bear a son “Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my Lord being old also” (Genesis 18:12).
The marriage act is the husband’s and wife’s avenue to personal and mutual fulfillment and pleasure.
Young people need to hear from the right sources and in the right way, that in the context of marriage and the commitment of “one flesh,” marital love and sexuality is legitimate, pleasurable, and beautiful.
The marriage act is the added language that can only be spoken by a husband and a wife. There is no profounder way a husband and wife can say, “I love you.”
When this act is attempted by humans outside of marriage it is then brought down to trashy slang and jargon.
The physical commitment of “one flesh…”
1. provides man with his greatest needs and blessings;
2. provides intimate human companionship (Genesis 2:20-25);
3. provides an atmosphere of love in which children can be reared and nurtured (Ephesians 6:4);
4. serves as a preventative for immorality (1 Corinthians 7);
5. provides men and women with experiences which help them to develop spiritually (Ephesians 5:22-33; 1 Peter 3:1-7);
6. provides man with a model of his relationship with Christ (Ephesians 5:25).
“One Flesh” Is A Spiritual Commitment.
Not all marriages are characterized by realization that they are made in heaven, but they should be.
When we say marriages are made in heaven, we mean the same thing as the Lord’s statement, “What therefore God hath joined together…” (Matthew 19:6).
This passage states that married people become “one flesh” by reason of an action taken by God and if there is no action taken by God there is no marriage.
It also asserts that in every true marriage there is always the spiritual element present. God is the author of marriage (Genesis 2:20-25).
The law of the husband is the law that God set in force (Romans 7:1-4). It is God who joins people in marriage (Matthew 19:6).
The officiant at a wedding ceremony does not control this element; even though a person is married by a preacher, a judge, a Justice of the Peace, or a ship’s captain the spiritual element is still present.
God’s laws on marriage are applicable to all, believer and unbeliever.
If two atheists are joined together in marriage at the City Hall, there is still a spiritual element present, no matter how much the couple deny or dishonour it.
They could no more leave their spiritual nature out of marriage than they could dispense with their bodies. Neither could they cancel the fact that their marriage is a contract before God.
Since these things are true, marriage should be looked upon as a marvelous spiritual institution.
At the same time it is folly for anyone to suppose that their marriage can ever reach full potential when this vital spiritual aspect is completely ignored.
“One Flesh” Is A Total Commitment For All Time.
Marriage is a total personal commitment to a person from a person which involves the individuals and God in the covenant.
Marriage is a commitment which is to stand no matter what the external circumstances might become.
Many brides and grooms do not fully realize what they are saying when they reply, “I do” to the question “Do you take…?”
This is true because of the inability to become completely acquainted with a person before marriage. No married person can truly say he does not believe in the validity of faith, for few things require as much faith as entering into marriage.
Some people’s eyes are opened when they first realize what they have taken. But when a person says “I do” these unknowns are to be taken along with the known.
There is little or no argument for the broken hearted wife who cries in her handkerchief, “Well, I thought he was altogether different than he is now.”
The officiant at a wedding usually asks the two to promise; “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance. So long as ye both shall live.”
“For the wife is bound by law to the husband while he liveth; but if the husband die, she is discharged from the law of the husband” (Romans 7:2).
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6).
“Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away …therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously” (Malachi 2:15-16).
The indissolubility of marriage needs to be stressed more emphatically. Even now some are perhaps saying, “When is he going to get to the fornication exception God makes?”
Let’s not worry about that. Too long we have lived our lives on exceptions, it is time we began being governed by the rule.
The teachings of the indissolubility of marriage are commonly misunderstood, because marriage generally is not thought of in the terms of “one flesh.”
God’s Laws governing marriage are viewed as “a law which can be broken or obeyed, something like a traffic law.
“One flesh” is not that kind of law at all. It is a natural (spiritual) law, like gravitation.
You don’t get a ticket for breaking the law of gravity — you are part of it. You can ignore it by jumping out a tenth-floor window, but it breaks you instead of you breaking it.
When God says that a man and his wife are one flesh, it is like saying that the leg is part of the body and just as indissoluble.
You can amputate the leg, and you may even have to sometimes, but something is forever missing in the body. The same is true of marriage.
The marriage vow of life-long fidelity is therefore not merely a promise. It is a recognition of an actual fact, and an understanding to live accordingly.
CONCLUSION
“One flesh” is an all-inclusive statement of what God intends for marriage.
“One flesh” is what God can make of marriages that have God’s blessings.
Anything less than this dishonours God and causes man to live with frustration.
In 1 Corinthians 7:5 Paul told the Corinthians to, “Defraud not one the other except it be by consent.” The Greek word for “consent” is SUMPHONIA, which literally means “sounds made together.”
It has come over into the English language as “symphony.”
So, Paul is saying, “Let your marriage be a symphony.” Without love and agreement marriage becomes an inharmonious, confusing sound.
Marriage is God’s way of bringing together two people, much like two tributaries that flow into the greater channel, which after merging become stronger, deeper, more beautiful and capable of more blessing than either could imagine separately.
Marriage is the culminating action of two young loves; it is the vehicle by which a man and woman can fully reach their created-endowed potential.
Marriage as a vital reality in our being is not something that can be performed for us, but a unity which we must work out for ourselves.
Marriage gets its meaning from the love we put into it, and it calls for the creation of a new plan of living for two who thus unify their lives. Therefore, it is a creative venture that can be as fine as we make it.
