(Part Two)
3 Truths Every Christian Needs to Know about Divorce
- God Hates Divorce
Oh, I know you cringe when you hear that! It’s thrown in your face as if divorce is the unpardonable sin. But let’s be honest: God does hate divorce…and so should you…and so do I. As I began to look more deeply into Malachi 2:16, I found the context interesting. You see, the context is of the unfaithful spouse, the one who hurts his/her spouse deeply. It’s about being cruel to your spouse, the one that we should love and protect more than any other. God hates the actions that often lead to divorce as we know it. Since we are throwing around things that God hates, let’s take a look at another passage:
There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community (Proverbs 6:16-19).
Ouch! That stings! Let me just say that anyone who is throwing Malachi 2:16 at you needs to stop and take a look at Proverbs 6. We, as Christians, need to remember that there is none righteous, not even one (Romans 3:10). We need to remember that Christ died for our pride and our lies just as much as he died for our divorces. And, it’s often the sins of Proverbs 6 that lead to divorce. Since studying through the subject relating to divorce, I have come to the conclusion that God hates divorce because of the immense pain and suffering that it causes his children. It is far less about sin and far more about his/her heart for us.
- To Remarry… or not ?
I am sure you have heard the arguments that you cannot remarry unless you want to live in adultery and risk your eternal soul. I, personally, have a real problem with that. Let’s start with interpretation of scripture. I am neither a Greek nor Hebrew scholar. There are enough of those around that I can turn to them to gain from their years of education and experience. However, not one of us was around to have full knowledge of what God intended when he gave the Holy Spirit inspired scripture to the authors. There are scholars who say remarriage is never an option. There are scholars who say remarriage is only an option in the case of adultery. And there are scholars who say remarriage is always allowed because of God’s grace.
No matter what, any interpretation is exactly that: a human interpretation. Only the scripture itself is a divinely inspired Word of God. We have to be very cautious about taking a human interpretation and forcing it on others, lest we become like the Pharisees. Ultimately, your decision to remarry is between you and God. It is a decision that should be made in prayer and consultation with trusted biblical advisors. And, it is a decision that should only be made when you (and your future spouse) have taken plenty of time to heal from your past hurts and to become as much like Christ as possible.
Here’s a quick thought for you: the lineage of Christ recorded in Matthew 1 lists a prostitute (Rahab, who eventually married Salmon), an adulterous couple (David, who married Bathsheba after having her husband murdered), and a widow (who married her kinsman-redeemer, Boaz). I find it very interesting that there are three women who were remarried in the direct lineage of our Saviour, Jesus Christ. Can we say grace?
- God is the Redeemer of All Things
Throughout scripture, we are given so many promises to show us that there is always hope! Romans 8:28 tells us that all things work together for the good of those who love God. Zechariah 9:12 tells us that God will repay two blessings for each of our troubles. In John 11, Jesus proclaims that he is the resurrection and the life; he will take you from the death of divorce and breathe new life into you. And 1 Peter 5:10 says that the suffering won’t last forever but one day he will have you put you back together and on your feet again.
Thoughts you must consider before getting a divorce.
Trust the Lord, don’t trust yourself. Relationships can cause hurt, and hurt people find it hard to think straight. God knows all, sees all, and works everything together for your good. Trust in the Lord and what He says in his Word.
Realise that the answer to suffering is not always to move away from it. God sometimes calls us to follow Him by walking into or remaining under suffering. (I am not talking about remaining under abuse, but the many other conflicts and sufferings of life that married people face in a fallen world.)
Contemplate that God is accomplishing a purpose in your sufferings.
Wait on the Lord. Don’t act hastily. Keep doors open. Only close the doors that you are certain God says you should close.
Don’t just trust that God can change someone else’s heart. Trust that He can change and renew your heart.
Meditate on Scripture related to the issue of marriage, separation, and divorce.
Whatever actions you consider taking, ask whether you can take that action for the glory of God.
Four Positive Things to Do after Divorce if it Happens to You
- Manage Conflict with Peace – Jesus is a great example for how to conduct ourselves in the face of conflict. He kept himself calm by knowing God was still in control even as His enemies were attacking. He spoke out to His disciples sharing that He knew they were going to betray Him but He left the consequences of these actions in God’s hands. You cannot control how your spouse behaves during or after the divorce, but you can control how you act and treat other people. Treat them with the respect they deserve as the parent of your child, or at least as a fellow human being – even if they’re acting like some sort of alien from outer space.
- Embrace the Circumstances God Has You In – I am reminded of the story of Jesus and His disciples in the boat (Matthew 8:23-27). A huge storm began raging around them while Jesus slept peacefully. The disciples were afraid that these circumstances would ruin them and their boat. But Jesus knew who was in control. Then Jesus calmed the storm and showed the disciples God’s power over all situations. Most divorced people are very scared during the divorce journey. We don’t know how we’re going to survive. But as we embrace these unwanted circumstances, we realize that God was with us through the storm and through the pain. He is never going to leave or let you us drown. During a divorce, we know He wasn’t going to stop the storm immediately. Actually it still hasn’t really stopped, but He is always working things out even if we can’t yet see it. We only need to have faith in His promises.
- Challenge the Lonely Feelings with Benevolence While Single and Healing – Feeling lonely after divorce is a real concern of many people. It seems to be the biggest struggle that Christian men and women face while working on healing. When the divorce wasn’t wanted in the first place, feeling lonely seems to be an added consequence to an already mounting list. But we learn in the Bible that singleness is a gift from God. It may be hard to see it as such when you’re feeling so much pain and loss. But it’s often an invitation to seek a relationship with the One who knows how to cure the pain and fill the void.
- Reclaim Your Life and Your Finances After Divorce – Another big struggle I hear from divorced people is the loss of their old life and the lifestyle they were used to living. This is huge loss that also needs to be mourned. It is difficult knowing that you worked so hard to help your spouse achieve a career and financial success, yet now you have to start your life over at what feels like the very beginning, without his or her help. I’m not saying it’s easy, but each year should get much better as you listen to God’s leading and direction for your life’s.
Divorce is never a good thing, but sometimes it happens to us through no fault of our own. If it does happen to you, providing you are the innocent partner who hasn’t committed adultery, then I believe you are free to remarry. All I need to say, if you do remarry, make sure you marry someone who is a member of the church of Christ and is of the same mind regarding what the scriptures teach us.
So to finish on a positive note God loves you, this I know because the Bible tells me so.
