“18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them” (Colossians 3:18-19).
Loved ones, through the years, we have talked with many young preachers whose wives have been a bit concerned about whether they could meet the expectations of being a “Preacher’s Wife.”
Since I’ve been pretty close to a “preacher’s wife” for the past 50 years, I thought I would risk presumption and weigh in on this issue. So here are my thoughts.
The role of a “preacher’s wife” is…. the very same as a Christian’s “plumber’s wife,” a “doctor’s wife,” a merchant’s wife,” or any other wife who professes to be a Christian.
What I’m trying to say is that she is no different than any other woman in the church. Her role is to be a faithful Christian wife (Eph. 5:22-33). She should be a Christian example of modesty (1 Tim. 2:9-10) and godliness (Titus 2:3-4), all working within the scope of her spiritual talents (Matt. 25:14-30). To expect more of her than other women in the church is extra-biblical. Extra-biblical? Yes, extra-biblical.
Consider how many times in a preacher’s life he has had to explain to well-intended, but misguided people that he is not a “pastor.” What would we think of a preacher who embraced the role of a “pastor,” because after all, those are the expectations of the people? We wouldn’t tolerate it. We’d remind him of his proper role, wouldn’t we? We’d teach people the difference between a “preacher” and a “pastor.” But what we wouldn’t do is say, “Oh well, that’s what people have come to expect, so we need to just roll with it.”
So, here’s my question, “Why shouldn’t the same rules apply when it comes to the “role” of a “preacher’s wife?” Where does the Bible outline such a role? What are the qualifications placed upon her from Scripture? Where does the Bible say she is to be a leader, a Bible class teacher, a Ladies’ Day speaker, a model hostess, or an event planner? These expectations should no more be placed on her than any other Christian wife.
We must not be guilty of creating an extra-biblical role with a set of self-imposed rules, and lay them on the shoulders of Christian women who happen to be married to men who are preachers. In fact, rather than perpetuating these extra-biblical expectations, we should be trying to correct them.
Brethren, the role of a preacher’s wife is to be a faithful Christian wife; period. She should be involved in the work of the church to the extent that her time and talents allow her, just like any other Christian wife. Because she is married to a preacher, she will face many unique challenges, but let’s not be guilty of adding additional expectations upon her, for if we do, we may be inadvertently keeping some good men from preaching because they have fearful wives, who don’t know if they can live up to extra-biblical expectations placed upon them. God is good. Love you.
The Lesson is delivered by: Samuel Matthews
